Hello from the Lost World of the Midget they call Edna

Ok. It's almost a year. I've even managed to forget the web address of this Blog, but due to popular demand, I've reinstated my humor, which was somehow lost somewhere between the Upper East Side in New York, armpit New Brunswick, New Jersey, and Hell Hole Bakersfield, California. Life just got too serious for me.

Wilma came and went. I'm still in Turd Year. So far, all is still turd.

Here's what I learned:

Internal Medicine pearl: consult, consult, consult everything you are not comfortable loosing your ass over. There are alogorithms fashioned by others way smarter than you for everything else so you can forgo using your brains. For those who don't have any; don't worry, you don't need them.

Infectious Disease word of wisdom: You are a drug peddler; get used to it. Cocci (Valley Fever) is not a figment of the imagination nor is it a fancy Hebrew word and it gets everywhere in your body imaginable (yes, even the Testicle) and if you are African American, you need all the spiritual help you can get. In other words, tough shit. And, finally, clean and cook everything you come in contact with.

Pulmonary medicine: There are way too many fat people around so you are always gauranteed some type of job security. ("Look, ma, it's Jabba the Hut!")

Psychiatry: Protect yourself from the attendings....they are the ones on the other side of the monkey bars who aren't medicated! And everything you learned about State mental instituitions on TV - lime green walls, bars on every window imaginable, dead bodies hidden in the corridors.....it's ALL true!

Anesthesia blebs: When you get tired of listening to a patient talk, you strap them to their masks and tell them to take deep breaths. Isoflurane smells aweful and when you sniff it deliberately, you get quite silly.
OB Anesthesia blebs: OHMIGOD, I'M NOT HAVING CHILDREN!

That pretty much sums up the past half a year of Turd year. I cried, I laughed, I cracked my crazy little head trying to figure out "medicine", as if it was all that important, especially when the world is about to end anyway when the Isrealis and the Lebanese Shi'ites decide to eradicate the whole world. In the light of all this, does it really matter what I want to be when I grow up??

Decidedly not.

Additionally, we are all going to burn in New York by tomorrow's high of 103, which is the average temperature in Saudi Arabia at 6 o'clock in the morning. Last I heard, Manhanttan is an island, not a vast nothingness of desert.

So, I will just relish my Venti Tangerine Frappucino at the corner Starbucks I have been nursing for the last, oh, 5 hours and forget that I am a medical student for a while and delight in the fact that I was just hit on by an average Jo who asked me if I wanted to "work out" with him. You almost want to feel sorry for him as he fell flat on his face when I said "No, not really, I don't think so" or perhaps he is hinting that I should get rid of those sandbags under my arms as they prepare to flap me off the ground.....

Oh, it's good to be back!